Men's abusive awareness in modern society
- H W
- Sep 30, 2024
- 5 min read
In just a year, between 2022 and 2023, 3.0 percent - equivalent to around 700,000 men are reported to have experienced some form of abuse. Experts believe these numbers from the Office for National Statistics are far less as more fear coming out due to the possibility of backlash and stigma.
Psychological evaluation
“Generally speaking, people’s experiences of abuse often lead to feelings of deep shame and guilt, which are typically difficult to talk about”, Clinical Psychologist Dr Jordan Quinn, told me in a tete-a-tete.
“In some cases, experiences of abuse can mean people develop psychological difficulties such as post-traumatic stress. Avoiding talking about traumatic experiences gives short-term relief from anxiety but ultimately leaves individuals feeling frightened, ashamed, and alone in the long term. In the context of male experiences of abuse, there remains a lot of stigma about men expressing emotions, let alone discussing feelings linked with very difficult experiences. These societal problems reinforce the idea that difficult experiences like abuse shouldn’t be talked about.”
The Office for National Statistics percentage covers a large area of men. There may even be more, but they have kept themselves quiet due to fear of emasculation. Masculinity and what men should strive to achieve encourage men to hide secrets from others that can make them deviate from what they should appear to represent. Though abuse is more likely to happen to women, society forgets the smaller percentage that covers men and the trauma they suffer against assault and abuse.
Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson relationship
Psychology Today says ‘sexual grooming has been defined as the deceptive process used by sexual abusers to facilitate sexual contact with a minor while simultaneously avoiding detection.’ Many young boys are groomed from a young age by losing their virginities to older girls and are convinced they have won an award for it. With lots of focus being on young girls who surround themselves with older men, many forget that older women can be just as bad. An example of this is the marriage between Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and his wife Sam. There is lots of speculation about when the pair met with some claiming 18 years old when Aaron auditioned for the role in ‘Nowhere Boy’ and Sam being 42 and the director of the film. However, there are also claims that she is a family friend who knew Aaron much younger. Nevertheless, their 24-year age gap has sparked lots of debate on social media, with many feeling that if the roles were reversed, the uproar would be larger.
Aaron, though of legal age, can still be considered a victim due to Sam having lots more life experience than the teenager. When speaking on first impressions of Sam to the Telegraph the actor stated, “When I met Sam I’d already lived a life far beyond that of most of my contemporaries – I didn’t relate to anyone my age. I just feel that we’re on the same wavelength." According to the National Institute of Health, 2% of groomers are women but there is a high likely chance that the number is much higher due to underreporting. With the under-reporting going back to male masculinity, men are taught that emotions are weak, which means that they are more likely not to report crimes of grooming, making the numbers significantly lower than women.
Sam and Aaron ‘Nowhere Boy’ premier 2009: credit to People
Safeline is a help centre that ‘support people regardless of age, gender, race, religion and those with physical and/or mental health needs’ as described on their website. When speaking to them they stated, “Regarding the number of calls, for last year April 22 to March 23 we had 10,000 contacts with the service and of these, 89.4% identify as male. As we also support those who support male survivors, we may support other gender identities too.”
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial
Men also face abuse in ways such as domestic violence. The focus for this article is the public trial of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Depp accused Heard of fabricating abuse allegations to further her career. Depp stated she was the actual abuser in the marriage. In 2016, Amber filed for divorce, saying that he would abuse her when under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The actress recalled that Depp threw his phone at her leaving a bruise on her cheek. However, LAPD Sargent Marlon Marrache denied this, saying “there was no evidence of any crime” he told People. Throughout the years Heard acted as a spokesperson for abused women. In 2018, she wrote an article for the Washington Post stating she is “a public figure representing domestic abuse, and I felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out.” 2020, phone recordings were released by the Daily Mail of Heard admitting to abusing Depp as she said “I don’t know what the motion of my hand was, but you’re fine, I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you.” Manipulation was very evident in the recordings and began to see Depp as the victim and not Heard. On July 1st 2021, Depp won his defamation trial against Heard.
Screenshot credit to YouTube
Screenshot credit to YouTube
Amber Heard Testifies in the Defamation Trial | Part Three - Day 16 Johnny Depp Rebuts Amber Heard's Case in Defamation Trial
The trial served as a reminder that men are often not taken seriously when accusing women of abuse. Heard feeding off of the victim complex meant that real women who were abused now had a negative image in the media. The actress took advantage of her gender and created a false narrative about a serious issue that affects normal people.
This graph by ManKind Initiative (2019/2020) represents the percentage on the gender dependent on the victim versus perpetrator. As clearly shown above, men in heterosexual relationships are more likely to experience abuse from their female partner and only 3% less than women that are abused by men. There are many charity organisations available that help those in abused situations with a special focus on men. Men's advice line, ManKind, Refuge and more all work to support and help men. They are a voice to men that feel silenced and unable to vocalise their experience. They have contact information spanning from email’s, phone numbers and social media accounts so they are always accessible and ready to help when needed.
Overall, this article is not to overshadow women who suffer abuse. Women are still the main target with a much higher percentage in abusive relationships with male attackers. Instead this article is to shine light on those men that are too afraid to speak up and feel unheard in the media so they stay quiet due to fear of shame and emasculation. Whether that is fear of embarrassment, male ego or pride, victims should not be silenced based on gender. Every person should feel comfortable to speak their truth no matter what society dictates.
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